Dropping In: Facing Our Pain

"We cannot lead without feeling the pain of living, because the things we do to avoid feeling pain result in poor leadership. We don’t acknowledge others. We try to control everything. We lose our temper and criticize others disproportionately. If we don’t feel our emotions, we are controlled by them." —Peter Bregman, Why Leaders Must Feel Pain, Harvard Business Review

The idea of “underlying pain” and how it shapes our responses, choices, and even identities can feel daunting to confront.

In our latest podcast, Groundwork Executive Coach Olivia Fromm describes pain as the foundation around which many of our survival mechanisms are built. We often don’t realize just how much these protective patterns control us—until we start noticing them.

As she explains, "Pain isn’t always loud or obvious; sometimes, it’s a quiet, deep-seated feeling we carry within us, one we’ve adapted around over the years."

For many of us, pain has origins that trace back to early childhood, and the stories we wrote about ourselves back then still show up in surprising places. Whether it's a sense of unworthiness, a feeling of "I’m not enough," or a fear of not being safe—these early experiences continue to influence our behavior in ways we may not fully understand.

The reality of this work, as Olivia put it, is "new levels, new devils." Each time we grow and uncover a layer of our survival mechanisms, another layer of pain may wait to be acknowledged and addressed. But as daunting as this process may seem, it also brings us closer to our true selves.

Dropping In to Face It with Compassion

At Groundwork, we call this process of connecting with and understanding pain "dropping in." It’s a practice of stepping into your discomfort with curiosity rather than avoidance. Dropping in isn’t about "fixing" the pain; it’s about feeling it in a manageable way, bit by bit, so that we can gradually build our capacity to sit with it.

“Imagine your pain as a well,” Olivia describes. “Each time you drop in, you take just a small scoop from that well. Over time, these small scoops add up, and the well slowly becomes less overwhelming.”

When Pain Feels Like a Mountain

Of course, not all pain is alike. Some pain feels less like a small rock and more like an immovable mountain. Certain experiences, especially those rooted in injustice—whether they relate to violence, discrimination, or betrayal—can feel too big, too intense to simply observe without judgment.

If you find yourself in this space, where the pain feels suffocating or immovable, try inviting self-compassion into the process. It’s okay to feel anger, sadness, or frustration. These emotions are natural responses, and honoring them is an important part of the healing process.

As the host of the Groundwork Podcast and a Groundwork Executive Coach, Amy Nash shares that if the pain won’t dissolve, it’s okay to recognize the injustice or hurt while still holding space for self-kindness. Remind yourself: “Even though I feel this sadness and even though I feel humiliated by this memory, I am worthy of love and belonging.”

Embracing the Journey

Dropping into your pain is not an easy journey, and there’s no quick fix. But with each layer we uncover, each survival pattern we recognize, we get closer to living from a place of authenticity and centeredness. Pain may always be part of the journey, but it doesn’t have to define it.

If you haven’t tried dropping in before, we invite you to explore this practice. With or without the Groundwork Guided Meditations, here are some steps to get started:

• Take a few quiet moments to close your eyes, take a breath, and notice what’s there.
• Allow yourself to feel whatever comes up without judgment.
• Remind yourself: this is your time, your space to reconnect with yourself, one small step at a time.

Here’s to the strength within each of us to meet our pain, to acknowledge it, and to continue moving forward—stronger and more grounded than before.